It’s the question that’s been haunting me for weeks: “Have you packed your bag yet?” Every time I say “no,” I’m met with that sympathetic (but slightly disapproving) look, followed by the inevitable, “You really should get it packed.”

Ironically, not having it packed makes me anxious, yet every time I sit down to actually start, I feel completely overwhelmed. A vicious cycle. Surely I’m not the only one who feels like this. Or am I?

I have most things ready to go (well what I think are the essentials, from what numerous Google searches tell me), yet physically putting them into a bag feels like crossing some invisible line. As if the moment the zip closes, everything becomes real.

Not the growing bump, not the tiny human doing somersaults in my stomach, not the house slowly filling with newborn essentials. Not even the fact that I have a set date for maternity leave and have been telling everyone that work issues will soon be “future me’s problem.”

No, apparently it’s the hospital bag that flips the anxiety switch.

And even though I know I’m probably overpacking, there’s still that nagging fear that I’ve forgotten something important. Women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and here I am panicking about whether eight pairs of big pants will be enough, or if I should throw in some disposable underwear just in case.

Does it get easier with each pregnancy? Or is it simply the fear of the unknown? I’m guessing it’s the latter. But every labour is different. One woman can have five children and experience five completely different births. Maybe the fear never fully disappears, but instead you just learn to accept the unknown and trust that you’ll handle whatever comes your way.

And at the end of it all, you know that the moment you hold that tiny baby in your arms, every worry, every list, every overpacked bag will feel worth it. For now, I’m trying to see the hospital bag not as something daunting, but as a small, practical step toward meeting my precious little bundle.

– Your Camo Wife